Jun
01

Essential # 15 – Your happiness depends on the quality of your relationship(s)…

What attachment style are you? It says a lot about the quality of your relationship…and your happiness in life! Happy couples have a secure attachment base…unhappy couples don’t. Or simply put, couples in counselling usually have attachment issues… Have you ever wondered why some couples just can’t seem to get along? Why do they have…
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Jan
21

Talk and Workshop-Unity Church – February 8, 2015

I’ll be giving a another talk and a workshop at the Unity Church on Sunday morning,  February 8. The workshop below will be offered in the afternoon. To win in love, you must lose the scorecard… “In relationships, what matters most is love. The rest is negotiable.” Keeping score in relationships doesn’t work. The only…
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Dec
02

Relationship Essential #14 – Holiday Tips

Seasons greetings everyone! This is the time of year that can put a lot of stress on relationships…your marriage, in-laws, family and friends, etc. Here are 5 tips that I hope will help you have a wonderful holiday this year: 1. Set realistic expectations. With your partner, discuss and assess your expectations for the holidays.…
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Nov
13

The “War on Drugs”

Here’s a fantastic video – “The War on Drugs” that dramatically summarizes the insanity of drug policy over the last 20 years and how it’s caused so much harm to so many people. It doesn’t promote drugs, rather, it calls for shift from a crime and punishment approach to a sane and compassionate drug policy…
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Aug
22

The Three Most Common Relationship Offenses

Recently, I was thinking about my couples counselling practice and  pondering what I think are the three biggest relationship offenses that couples commit. I know there’s John Gottman’s famous “4 Horsemen” (patterns of criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling) but here are my top three. 1. Blaming:  As I’ve discussed previously, blame is the nuclear weapon…
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Aug
07

Love is a feeling…marriage is a contract…relationships take WORK!

I’ve talked before about how relationships often devolve from being love based to being needs-based contracts – the “scorecard.” I think it’s crucial that couples realize that “marriage” is a contract, a legal institution that historically has had little, if anything, to do with love. It’s only been about 200 years that men and women…
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May
29

Communication 101

Communication is really quite simple, although many people struggle with it, especially couples. Most couples experiencing relationship problems will tell you “we have communication issues.” What that really means is they don’t know how to deal with their own feelings in relation to their partner’s feelings.  In an intimate relationship, when one person asserts themselves,…
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May
14

The Sex Starved Marriage

Here’s a great TED talk by Michelle Weiner-Davis about the importance of keeping sex alive in marriage. It’s healing, bonding and ABSOLUTELY ESSENTIAL if you are to have a happy marriage. It’s fits perfectly with my last blog on sex and monogamy. Click here for the link to the TED talk.

May
13

Marriage, Monogamy & Sex – The need to be creative…

Most couples I see in my practice have sexual/intimacy problems. The presenting issue may be communication, children, money, etc. but it’s usually not long before sexual problems surface. Sexual issues in marriage are often the “dead elephant (“moose,” for Canadians) in the middle of the room,” that is, sexual issues are difficult to deal with…
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May
08

What Couples Really Fight About

Here’s a great article by John and Julie Gottman, the researchers from the famous “Love Lab” in Seattle. Bottom line is that most fights are about NOTHING! Here’s great information for couples on processing fights, conflict and forgiveness – What Couples Fight About