Relationships and Marriage: Speaking and Media

A sampling of Sig’s expert commentary in the news!

Zoomer Magazine – August, 2015 “Crisis, What Crisis?” by Lisa Bendall

You think your mate is having a mid-life crisis. Out of the blue, they announce they’re getting tattoos. Or buying a luxury boat. Or quitting a longtime accountant job to go build houses in Ecuador.

Has your loved one lost their mind? More likely, they’re taking stock of their life. In February 2014, a German think-tank reported that our sense of well-being dips lowest in our 40s. (Satisfaction climbs again as we progress through the next two or three decades.)

“Underneath it all, it’s an existential crisis,” says Sig Taylor, a Calgary marriage counsellor. In your 40s and 50s, parents are aging, children have grown up, a high school buddy just had a heart attack. In your 60s and 70s, you’re looking at retirement, your body is slowing down and more of your friends are facing serious illness.

“It’s usually during mid-life that you start to realize life is not forever,” Taylor points out. That can prompt you to think about the way you want to spend the time that’s left.

Elle Magazine – November, 2013. “Sex and relationships: Learning how to dirty talk. If you’re going to dirty talk in the bedroom, learn how to do it right with pro tips from a sexpert.”

To navigate this fine line, Calgary marriage counsellor Sig Taylor suggests that you focus on whatever feels genuine. “If it’s not authentic, it’ll feel awkward and unnatural,” he says. To get to a more comfortable place, he suggests that you “take what you’re actually feeling and amplify it. Say ‘I’m crazy attracted to you right now’ or ‘I just love it when you make that sound.’”

But complicating matters is each person’s unique scale of romantic to raunchy, which is always in flux. That you’re always (or ever) perfectly matched just isn’t realistic. “Most couples are different, and that’s a fact,” says Taylor. Mistakes and mismatches are inevitable, so before you storm out in a PC thundercloud, McKay recommends that you consider context and intent and stand your ground if anything’s firmly on your “No” list (um, joystick?) but also be willing to step out of your comfort zone. “Push your boundaries, but don’t push other people’s.”

Calgary Herald. “Three Ways to Affair-Proof Your Marriage.” Sarah McGinnis

1. Stay Connected: Couples who disconnect emotionally are the most vulnerble to affairs.
2. Set Boundaries: You can love your spouse and be deeply attached to them and be attracted to someone else, even if you’re in a good marriage. Avoid situations that provided opportunities for affairs.
3. Get Your Needs Met: Women’s primary needs are affection, conversation, honesty, financial support and family commitment. Men’s primary needs are: sex, a recreational companion, an attractive spouse and admiration.

Globe & Mail. “Made-for-TV Marriage cancelled in 10 days.” Alexandra Gill

The whole spectacle may have made many people cringe, but Calgary Marriage Counselor Sig Taylor said there are “fabulous” lessons to be learned. The whole setup was about a fairy princess meeting her knight in shining amour. “That’s a myth,” Mr. Taylor said yesterday. But he pointed out that many people still believe in such myths and continue to marry for money or prestige. “This should be a lesson for all of us about what doesn’t work,” he said. And if Mr. Rockwell came to him for advice, Mr. Taylor said he wouldn’t hesitate to tell him the hard truth: “They didn’t have a chance.”

Macleans. “Love & Marriage.” Ruth Atherley, Chris Wood, Susan McClelland.

“If you want to look at what is going on in your relationship, look at your sex life – it won’t lie to you, ” advises Sig Taylor, a Calgary marriage counselor. “It’s barometer, and it’s usually the last thing to go. If couples get to the point where there is no sexuality anymore, the relationship is pretty much dead.”

Reader’s Digest. “Five Ways to Keep Passion Alive.” Elinor Florence.

“It’s almost impossible to kiss someone passionately if you’re mad at him,” says Calgary marriage and family therapist, Sig Taylor. “Resentment kills romance.” So does dirty fighting, with tactics like bullying, screaming, interrupting, threatening, storming out of the room, psychoanalyzing your partner by making comments such as “You’re just like your mother.”

But a couple mustn’t avoid all confrontation, says Taylor. Clearing the air regularly, using some rules for fair fighting, will eliminate grievance before they start getting in the way of romance.

Together for just three years, Christina Mack & James Turnbull of Calgary had so many receptive, hurtful arguments about money that some night she sleep in the spare bedroom. Fearing for their future, the young couple attended a local course offered by PAIRS, an international marriage education organization, and learned how to fight fair.

“We’ve resolved a lot of our conflicts about money; we don’t let things build up. And we spend a lot more time snuggling,” says James. “Our relationship is 100% better.”

Taylor suggests couples clear the air on a regular basis. For some, once a week might be necessary; for others, once a month. Make an appointment to have a fair fight – state the issues clearly, stick to the point, and decide together how to resolve them. Couples who follow these steps are so invigorated by the release of tensions their feelings for each other are renewed.
Christina agrees, “Now that we clear the air regularly, the romance has returned to our relationship. Not long ago a bouquet of roses arrived at my office from James. Each balloon had a little something inside, like a movie ticket or a scratch-and-win ticket. I got all fluttery, the same as when we were first dating. I thought those butterflies had gone forever, but now they’ve come back.”

Explore the possibilities. Connect with your heart. Restore your relationship.

Speaking & Presentations

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